Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
