The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
No subtext here. People are naked.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
