Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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