***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
