I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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