definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
