Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
