I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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