those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
