dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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