sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The uberlube is also flammable
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
