just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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