What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
