im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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