I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
