2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
