You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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