you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
