how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
