Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
