It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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