So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
