People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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