I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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