...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
