Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
did you just send me my own nude
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize