Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
