Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
