So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize