He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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