my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
