Banned from zoo.
Again?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
