Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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