meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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