His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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