Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
