Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
