Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
