i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
