then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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