I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
