I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
