pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
