Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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