Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
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I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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