Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize