They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Someone came in the potted fern
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
