my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
