mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Randomize
