She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
how drunk are you?
Several
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