Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
this just has baby written all over it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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