doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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