i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize