Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
