I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
honey bunches of taint.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
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I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.