i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
third nipple confirmed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself