All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You are a genius and a whore.
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