The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though