Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.