Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you suck at this game today
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.