Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
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