I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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