yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
