dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
