if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
