u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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