After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
