Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
