everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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