i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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