So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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