I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
