I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
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I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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