AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
