My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
