After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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