She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
