I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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