Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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