She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
