So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
