he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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