Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I party with great urgency now.
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